Open Your Eyes: Uncle Grandpa
by SteveAtwater
Summary: What do you do when everyone's favorite magical Uncle and Grandpa is kidnapped? Do you escape to a land of ponies? Help a kid get a nickname? Turn into a sandwich with your friends and get eaten? No. You go out and get him back yourself. ESPECIALLY if the kidnapper is leaving you a trail of clues to follow. Takes place post-canon. Originally written as a gift for Dm4487.
1. Calling Out the Dogs

Thanks for clicking on my story. I appreciate the views (and the reviews).

This was originally posted on Archive of Our Own as "Open Your Eyes," a crossover involving four shows. The other three were _Gravity Falls_ , _Kim Possible_ , and _Detentionaire_. Because this site treats crossovers differently (aka: won't allow you to cross more than two shows) and I didn't want to post it in Cartoon X-Overs, I decided to go a different route.

In the original Archive version, the characters didn't cross over until the end of the story. Instead, each chapter focused on a different set of characters. Because of that, I decided to post "Open Your Eyes" as five different fics: one for each show, then the ending as a single fic tying them all together. That last one will be posted as "Open Your Eyes" under Cartoon X-Overs. Since this is the _Uncle Grandpa_ story, it's only going to relate the _Uncle Grandpa_ parts. If you want to read the other stories, they're posted as "Open Your Eyes: Gravity Falls", "Open Your Eyes: Kim Possible", and "Open Your Eyes: Detentionaire".

This idea was originally proposed by Dm4487 on Archive of Our Own in the comments for my other work "Total Drama: Cartoon Multiverse." I wrote this as a gift for him.

Now let's start the story!

* * *

 **Uncle Grandpa RV  
Somewhere in the universe  
Sometime in the early 21st century**

It was an ordinary day for Mr. Gus. He woke up at dawn, worked out, and fixed himself a delicious breakfast of eggs, sausage, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. After doing this, he headed into the living room, where he plopped down on the couch and pulled out the remote. He flipped through the channels until he landed on a news show.

"–and as you can imagine, as the skies have grown darker here over Washington, the mood has grown darker as well and people are beginning to resign themselves..."

"Hey, Mr. Gus, what're you watching? Something lame, I bet?" Pizza Steve asked, hopping onto the couch.

"Actually, I was trying to watch the news," Mr. Gus said.

"Boring!" Pizza Steve said. "Let Pizza Steve show you what entertainment is!"

Pizza Steve grabbed the remote and changed the channel to a cartoon.

"–it's wrong to call them goobacks because they're no different than us. They're just humans trying–"

Mr. Gus grabbed the remote and changed the channel again. "I _want_ to _watch_ the _news_."

"Well _I_ want to watch something _interesting_ ," Pizza Steve said. He grabbed the remote and changed the channel. "So buzz off, gramps!"

"Oh, that does it!" Mr. Gus said, leaping onto Pizza Steve. They tussled for the remote, not noticing as their fight changed channels on the television. Suddenly, the television screen froze and then changed to a picture of a man staring out at them with a smile on his face.

"Well, it seems you've discovered what's going on!" the man said proudly. Pizza Steve and Mr. Gus, still fighting, paid him no attention. "Um, hello? Is this–is this thing on? Can they see me? HEY! OVER HERE!"

"I don't care what stupid show you want to watch, I like to start my day off with the news!" Mr. Gus said angrily.

"So use the internet!" Pizza Steve said, licking the buttons on the remote.

"I would if you hadn't broken the router!" Mr. Gus said, punching Pizza Steve in his pepperoni.

"Well since I broke the router, the internet's down, and now I have to watch TV to be entertained!" Pizza Steve said, kicking Mr. Gus in the shin.

Mr. Gus blinked and just grabbed the remote. His face crinkled with disgust as he felt the slimy buttons.

"Ew, it's all greasy!" he said. "I'm gonna clean this."

"Fine, Mr. Gus! I guess we'll watch your show, you big baby," Pizza Steve scoffed.

Mr. Gus rolled his eyes as he went off to clean the remote. "Whatever, little slice."

Pizza Steve stared at the television angrily. "Stupid Mr. Gus, thinks he's so cool. Just because he's big and strong and smart." He huffed. "And what is this stupid program, anyway?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, are you paying attention to me now?" the man on the screen asked. "I wasn't sure, because you were too busy with your puerile fight to notice me!"

Pizza Steve rolled his eyes. "Ugh. Lame. Is this really what passes for entertainment in Mr. Gus's world?"

Mr. Gus exited the kitchen. "Hey, that's not my show. That's your show."

"Uh, no, if it were my show, it'd be cool," Pizza Steve said. "Something this lame is obviously up your alley."

"Whatever," Mr. Gus sighed. He pointed the remote at the television and tried to change the channel. Nothing happened.

"Huh?" Mr. Gus asked, surprised. He shook the remote and tried again. When nothing happened, he pulled out the batteries, swapped them around, and tried to change the channel again. Once more, nothing happened.

"Aw, man, are these batteries dead already?" Mr. Gus asked, shocked.

"No, they're not dead, you imbecile!" the man onscreen complained. "I control the horizontal, I control the vertical, I control your television! How hard is it for you nitwits to get it through your heads!"

Mr. Gus tilted his head as he stared at the television. The man onscreen let out a long-suffering sigh.

"You know, you're right, Pizza Steve," Mr. Gus said. "This is lame. I'd rather watch your cartoon."

"Well how are we going to do that without a remote?" Pizza Steve asked.

"Uh, change the channel using the controls on the TV?" Mr. Gus suggested.

Pizza Steve groaned. "Fine."

Pizza Steve got up and walked over to the TV.

"Ha!" the man onscreen proclaimed. "Try all you want, nothing can shake my hold on you! Now cower, as I–"

Pizza Steve changed the channel.

"–think I saw a manatee."

"Was his name Julian?"

"I don't know, we didn't exchange–"

The television snapped back to the man.

"I told you, nothing can shake–"

Pizza Steve changed the channel again.

"Jethro! Pa wants–"

The television snapped back.

"Stop that!" the man complained.

Pizza Steve changed the channel again, and it changed back. This sequence repeated several times before Pizza Steve spun around, frustrated.

"Mr. Gus! Stop using the remote to change the channel back to that boring guy!" he complained.

"I'm not even touching the remote!" Mr. Gus shot back.

"Then how does the channel keep changing?" Pizza Steve asked, aggravated.

"I told you! I'm doing it!" the man onscreen angrily yelled. "I have something very, very important to tell you!"

"Oh yeah? What could be so important that you interrupt Pizza Steve's! TV time?" Pizza Steve asked.

"Um, maybe it's that I've kidnapped your Uncle Grandpa and his Belly Bag, and I'm holding them hostage!" the man declared triumphantly.

Mr. Gus and Pizza Steve stared at the television and then started laughing. When they finally calmed down, they had smiles on their faces.

"Yeah, that's like, super unlikely," Pizza Steve said.

"Yeah, Uncle Grandpa's magic," Mr. Gus said. "No way would you be able to kidnap him if he didn't want you to."

"Now give us back our TV, okay?" Pizza Steve asked. "Do that, and I won't break out my Italian kay-ra-tay on you."

The man onscreen growled. "I seriously kidnapped him! Why don't you believe me?"

"Wait, say what?" Mr. Gus asked.

"Yeah, no way did you kidnap Uncle Grandpa and Belly Bag!" Pizza Steve said.

"Believe it!" the man on their television screen said. "And if you want them back, you'll follow my instructions."

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger roared.

"Is that a giant realistic flying tiger?" the man asked, scared.

"That's right, and you better watch yourself, buh-ro!" Pizza Steve said.

"Yeah don't care," the man said, regaining his nerve. "Just follow my instructions."

"What are they then?" Mr. Gus asked.

"Uh..." the man said hesitantly. "Hold on, I forgot them. Let me just go get them."

The man stepped offscreen. Some muffled conversation was heard, and then the man stepped back into view.

"Right! Yes!" he proclaimed triumphantly. "I've kidnapped your Uncle Grandpa, along with some other people, and if you want to get them back, you'll have to go on a search for clues! The trail will go long distances, and at the end of the line you'll get your Uncle Grandpa back–that is, if the other groups don't get here first! So, you've just gotta pick four people to go on this trip. Oh, by the way, that's a nice RV you have there. It'd be a small wonder if you found somebody to guard it."

"Tiny Miracle!" a familiar voice said from offscreen.

"Wait, is that Belly Bag?" Mr. Gus asked.

"Yeah, it is," Uncle Grandpa said, wandering into the shot.

"Uncle G.?" Pizza Steve asked. "What are you doing there?"

"Being captured," Uncle Grandpa said. "You should really come help me. But it would take a tiny miracle for you to do that and keep the RV safe."

"Did someone say 'Tiny Miracle'?" Tiny Miracle asked, emerging from the kitchen.

"Sure did. Can you guard the RV, buddy?" Uncle Grandpa asked.

"No problem!" Tiny Miracle said happily.

"So yeah. The rest of you need to like, get some stuff and come rescue me or something. I dunno. The first thing you have to get is in the Marinara Trench. Oh, and there are three other teams racing to rescue some other people, and only the team that gets there first saves their captive...it gets really confusing. Anyway, Marinara Trench, guys," Uncle Grandpa told his friends.

"But Uncle Grandpa, couldn't you just–" Mr. Gus started to protest.

"Sorry gotta go!" Uncle Grandpa said.

The transmission ended.

Mr. Gus sighed. "Well, I guess we're going to have to go rescue Uncle Grandpa. You in, Pizza Steve?"

"You know it, bro," Pizza Steve said.

"Giant Realistic Flying Tiger?" Mr. Gus asked.

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger roared.

"Frankenstein, buddy, you coming with us?" Mr. Gus asked.

"Graah," Frankenstein said.

"Alright!" Mr. Gus said. "Marianas Trench, here we come!"

He thought about it and frowned.

"Wait..."


	2. Mount Mariana

**Marinara Trench**

Pizza Steve dangled precariously over a pit of red.

"Gah! My hand's slipping, bro!" Pizza Steve cried desperately.

"Graah," Frankenstein said.

Pizza Steve's hands slipped free from Frankenstein's grip and he plummeted towards the ground.

* * *

 **Uncle Grandpa RV**

"The Marianas Trench? How are we supposed to get there?" Mr. Gus asked.

"Yeah, the Marianas Trench? Pfft," Pizza Steve said confidently. "Pizza Steve! can totally handle that stupid ditch or whatever."

"It's at the bottom of the ocean!" Mr. Gus retorted. "We don't even have a way to get down there, nevermind withstand the immense water pressure!"

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger growled.

"Hey, that's right, Giant Realistic Flying Tiger," Mr. Gus said thoughtfully. "Uncle Grandpa _did_ say the Marinara Trench. I thought he misspoke, but maybe..."

Pizza Steve began to sweat.

"Hey Pizza Steve!" Mr. Gus said. "You know a lot about Italian food. What do you know about the Marinara Trench?"

"Uh, what?" Pizza Steve said nervously. "There's uh, there's no such thing, man! Yeah, I'm pretty sure he meant that uh, that marijuana trench thing you were talking about. Yeah. That's it."

"Pizza Steve..." Mr. Gus said, a touch of warning coming into his voice.

Pizza Steve's crust slumped. "Alright, alright. So, the Marinara Trench is a real thing. But I swore I'd never go back there! Never!" He affected a nonchalant tone. "So I guess Uncle Grandpa is doomed. Oh well."

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger growled.

"Whoa, what?" Pizza Steve said, shocked.

"Mraah!" Frankenstein said, upset. Giant Realistic Flying Tiger growled back at him, and soon they were in a fight over who would get to eat Pizza Steve.

"Whoa, say what?" Pizza Steve said, shocked. "Is this really how you all think of me?"

"Well Uncle Grandpa _did_ record a hit single about not eating you," Mr. Gus said.

Pizza Steve pushed his sunglasses back into his face.

"Fine," Pizza Steve said stoically. "I guess it's time that I show you how brave Pizza Steve can be, and take you all to the Marinara Trench. But don't say I didn't warn you!"

* * *

 **A Cheap Pizza Parlor**

Twenty minutes later, Mr. Gus, Frankenstein, Giant Realistic Flying Tiger, and Pizza Steve were seated in a corner booth at a cheap pizza parlor.

"So why'd you take us here?" Mr. Gus asked.

"We'll need energy before we do anything," Pizza Steve told him. "Try the garlic twists; they're salty and fatty and greasy and surprisingly good."

Frankenstein got up to order. He walked over to the counter.

"Graah. Graah graah GRAAH mraah graah," he told the waiter.

The waiter punched the order into his machine. "Sure thing dude, that'll be $24.79, and it'll be ready in a couple of minutes."

"Graah," Frankenstein said, handing over the money. He got his change and walked back over to the table. Minutes later, the waiter walked over with plates of garlic twists for everyone. Everybody dug in except for Pizza Steve.

"Hey, what's wrong, little slice?" Mr. Gus asked. "You were right about these twists being good. So why aren't you eating?"

Pizza Steve sighed. "Look, I don't know how to tell you this, but there are some things that even Pizza Steve! is afraid of."

"No, we're all aware of that," Mr. Gus said.

"Graah," Frankenstein agreed.

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger growled her assent.

"Oh," Pizza Steve said. "Oh, well, sure, Mr. Gus," he continued, resuming his cocky attitude. "Heh. Yeah right. But the Marinara Trench is dangerous enough to scare even the bravest man. And that man is me, Pizza Steve!"

"Right...so where is this trench, anyway?" Mr. Gus asked.

Pizza Steve's sunglasses slid down his face. He stared out from behind them, shell shocked.

"It's in the back," he whispered.

"What?" Mr. Gus asked. "I didn't hear you, could you say that again?"

"It's in the back," Pizza Steve said, a little louder.

"Sorry, one more time?" Mr. Gus asked.

"It's in the back, okay?" Pizza Steve said, frustrated. "The Marinara Trench is in the back!"

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger growled.

"Okay, fine, whatever! We'll go, we'll go!" Pizza Steve said exasperatedly. He hopped off the table and made his way to the kitchen. After a bit of hesitation, the rest of the group followed him as he pushed the swinging doors open.

On the other side was a primordial hellscape. The ground was molten cheese intercut with rivers of tomato sauce. Pizza crusts floated on the surface, providing an area to walk over, but they were often surrounded by monsters made out of various pizza toppings. The quartet stopped in the doorway and watched as a pineapple monster began fighting with a creature made out of olives.

Pizza Steve shivered. "I swore I'd never go back..." he muttered to himself.

Frankenstein moaned.

"You're right, Frankenstein," Mr. Gus said. "We're doing this for Uncle Grandpa."

Pizza Steve chuckled nervously. "Now, guys, if you uh, if you want to just turn around and leave, we can, we can do that right now." He chuckled nervously again. "I uh, I won't like, judge you or anything, I uh, I completely understand if you just wanna uh, give up on this whole silly quest thing."

Mr. Gus looked at him angrily. "No way, little slice. We're in this until the end. Now where the heck's the Mariana Trench?"

"At the end of the kitchen," Pizza Steve muttered.

"Good. Giant Realistic Flying Tiger, think you can handle this for us?" Mr. Gus asked.

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger growled and allowed the rest of the group to climb onto her back. She flew over to the end of the hall, avoiding the attacks from the monsters, and landed on a crusty cliff overlooking a trench filled with marinara sauce.

"So uh, I should warn you, this is the uh, the worst part yet," Pizza Steve said. "We're going to have to climb down there. So uh, we can still turn around, and go home, you know, if anybody wants to chicken out." He giggled nervously. "Not that I want to or anything, nah, Pizza Steve is totally cool, but uh, if anybody else thinks this is crazy and we should just go home, uh, yeah." He chuckled nervously. "Because Pizza Steve is totally ready, but he doesn't want anybody to feel uncomfortable, you know, because–"

"Quit stalling and get down there!" Mr. Gus said angrily.

"Uh, alright," Pizza Steve said nervously. "We'll, uh, need to climb down. Together."

Mr. Gus grumbled but began climbing down. Frankenstein followed. Pizza Steve climbed down as well, but soon lost his grip on the side of the cliff. Frankenstein caught him.

"Oh, thanks, bro!" Pizza Steve said, relieved. "I can't bear to think of what might have happened if I fell off."

"Mraah," Frankenstein said happily. Suddenly, Pizza Steve began to slip off of his hand.

"Gah! My hand's slipping, bro!" Pizza Steve cried desperately.

"Graah," Frankenstein said.

Pizza Steve slipped off and fell towards the pit of marinara, screaming all the way.

"Oh, if only I wasn't so deliciously greasy!" Pizza Steve lamented.

"Pizza Steve!" Mr. Gus cried.

Pizza Steve landed in the marinara sauce with a thick wet plop. He laid there for a few seconds and then pushed himself up.

"Guh. I hate being covered in lukewarm marinara," he said.

"Wait," Mr. Gus said. "That sauce isn't even hot?"

Mr. Gus jumped down from the cliff and landed in the marinara. Not only was the sauce room temperature, it was also only ankle deep.

Mr. Gus sighed. "Let's just find what we need and get out of here."

"No worries, bro, I already got it," Pizza Steve said confidently, pulling a sauce-stained coupon for deep dish out of the marinara.

"WHAT?" Mr. Gus asked, agitated.

"It's great pizza, bro," Pizza Steve said. "I'm sure this is what Uncle Grandpa wanted me to get."

Above them, Frankenstein got a phone call. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and answered it, putting it on speakerphone.

"Graah?" he said into the phone.

"What? Who is this?" the voice on the other end asked, annoyed. "Do I have the right number?"

"Graah," Frankenstein said.

"Okay, is this a prank? Seriously?" the frustrated voice asked. "I swear, you do _one_ kidnapping, and suddenly your whole life is thrown into disarray!"

"Mraah!" Frankenstein said angrily.

"Whatever, I don't care," the voice said. "Assuming I have the right number, here's what you have to do. You have to visit some concrete jungle. Wait, are you serious?" The voice spoke to someone, but it was muffled. "Fine. Okay, you're going to visit the concrete jungle. Apparently you know what you're supposed to get. No actual city name, though. Pfft. So lazy."

The voice hung up. Frankenstein repocketed his phone as Mr. Gus and Pizza Steve climbed back up to him.

"So lemme guess," Mr. Gus said. "There's an actual concrete jungle we need to visit?"

Above them, Giant Realistic Flying Tiger blushed and mewed, embarrassed.


	3. It's Too Late

**Underwater**

"We gotta get these starfish back to Lord Neptune before time runs out!" Pizza Steve said frantically.

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger roared her agreement and moved swiftly through the water. Pizza Steve, Mr. Gus, and Frankenstein held on to her as she swept through the ocean currents.

* * *

 **Uncle Grandpa RV**

"Okay, Tiger," Mr. Gus said. "After Frankenstein finishes his shower, we're going to head out. Is there anything we need to know about the concrete jungle?"

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger roared.

"Concrete Jungle? That's its name? Seriously?" Mr. Gus asked. The tiger roared. "Okay, okay. But is there anything you think we should know before we go there?"

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger blushed demurely but didn't answer.

"Come on, Tiger," Mr. Gus said. "This is important! We need to get Uncle Grandpa back!"

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger looked around the RV awkwardly. Mr. Gus sighed.

"Look, I know I'm not in the best mood. Losing Uncle Grandpa–or whatever this is, I dunno–it's not exactly calming for my nerves. But we need to get him back. And we need your help to do it. So how about you lead us to Concrete Jungle?"

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger roared angrily.

"Oh, come on, Tiger!" Mr. Gus said. "How bad can it be? We need you to help us out here! Please, Tiger!"

"Yeah, Mr. Gus is right," Pizza Steve said. He smirked. "I mean, I know that's never the case, but he's right about this. And Pizza Steve! can't do this alone. Well, I could, but I know you all love to tag along."

Mr. Gus groaned at Pizza Steve's egotism. Giant Realistic Flying Tiger tilted her head and growled lightly.

"You'll do it?" Mr. Gus asked, perking up. Giant Realistic Flying Tiger roared her assent.

"All right!" Mr. Gus said, happy again. "Uncle Grandpa, here we come!"

* * *

 **Concrete Jungle**

"Okay, see, I didn't realize we'd be underwater," Pizza Steve said. "My crust is getting all soggy."

Concrete Jungle was indeed located underwater. It was a thriving metropolis, filled with all kinds of sea life, from majestic sharks and orcas to the disgusting sea snails. One of those disgusting sea snails sighed, as though it had sensed that its entire species had been insulted yet again, and slowly oozed away.

"Huh," Mr. Gus said. "Are you telling me that the story Uncle Grandpa told us about you dumping a hamburger into the water every night because you were actually a mertiger was true?"

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger roared.

"Well, that's...unusual," Mr. Gus said. "I thought it was just another one of his weird stories."

"Who cares?" Pizza Steve complained. "We're underwater, bros. That's making my crust soggy, _and_ increasing the likelihood that I end up with anchovies. Nobody likes pizza with anchovies! Even if it's Pizza Steve! with anchovies."

"The little slice has a point," Mr. Gus said. "So, Tiger, where should we be going?"

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger growled and swam off. The group followed her.

* * *

 **Krabby Kakes  
Concrete Jungle**

The group stood in the back of a long, long line.

"I can't believe we're getting more food for Uncle Grandpa!" Mr. Gus complained. "Is he in mortal danger, or are we just his catering service?"

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger roared her agreement. Frankenstein turned around to face them and bumped a merman in front of them.

"Hey!" the man said angrily. He turned around to face them. "Do you know who I am?"

"Graah," Frankenstein said. The man frowned.

"Oh, really? Well in that case, let me tell you. I am Lord Neptune, and you have insulted me! I hereby sentence you to be banished from the ocean, forever!"

"Whoa whoa whoa!" Mr. Gus said frantically. "Banished? But we need to rescue our friend!"

"Oh, wow, that's really said," Lord Neptune said. He nodded sympathetically. "Really sad. GET OUT!"

"Graah!" Frankenstein said. "Graah graah mraah graah mraah graah!"

Lord Neptune looked at him. "I have no idea what you just said."

"Hold up, hold up," Pizza Steve said. "Are you really thinking you can kick me, Pizza Steve!, out of the ocean? Because, heh, everyone knows that Pizza Steve is the one who puts the motion in the ocean. You kick Pizza Steve out, you lose all your cool, bro."

"Oh really?" Lord Neptune said. "I lose all my cool? You put the motion in the ocean?"

"Yeah that's right," Pizza Steve said.

"You know, I was just going to banish you," Lord Neptune said. "But, seeing as you are an insolent fool, I have instead decided that you must be _punished_."

"Whoa, hold up," Mr. Gus said. "Look, I'm the first to admit that Pizza Steve is, well, you know. Pizza Steve. But seriously? Isn't there anything we can do? We really need to get our food here."

Lord Neptune tapped his chin. "Alright. Find my missing starfish."

"That shouldn't be too hard," Pizza Steve said.

"They could be anywhere in this ocean," Lord Neptune said.

"Pfft, piece of cake," Pizza Steve said.

"And you have five hours to find them," Lord Neptune said.

"Hey, no problem. You can count on Pizza Steve!" Pizza Steve said.

"And if you don't find them I'm throwing each and every one of you into the sea dungeons," Lord Neptune continued.

Pizza Steve started to sweat.

"Forever," Lord Neptune concluded.

Pizza Steve turned around and left the restaurant. Everyone else followed him.

"Well, Pizza Steve?" Mr. Gus asked. "Where are we going to find these starfish?"

"Leave it to me, bros," Pizza Steve said. "You guys better start searching around here, but Pizza Steve! has a good idea of where the starfish are."

The group split up. As soon as they left, Pizza Steve's cool facade dropped and he began nibbling on his fingernails.

"Oh geez Pizza Steve, why'd you have to claim you could do that?" Pizza Steve asked himself. "This is just going to end horribly. And you'll be exposed as a fraud! Where are you ever going to find some starfish?"

* * *

 **South Concrete Jungle**

"Where are we ever going to find some starfish?" Mr. Gus asked Giant Realistic Flying Tiger.

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger mewed.

"I know! If the stories are true–"

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger roared.

"Take it easy, Tiger, I know it's true now. But that means that we might be on a wild goose chase! And we need to get Uncle Grandpa back!"

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger roared.

"Punch him in the face? I mean, I know I'm pretty strong, but I still prefer diplomacy. And besides, wouldn't he just have us arrested?"

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger roared several times in succession.

"Oh, an all-out brawl? I think you're onto something, Tiger! I know we can hold our own, and if Pizza Steve happens to get socked a few times, well, heh. But what about Frankenstein? He's strong, but he's fragile. Do you think he'll be able to handle it?"

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger roared.

"Have him be the one who grabs the food? Great idea, Tiger! I think we stand a chance of making it out of this one!"

* * *

 **Northeast Concrete Jungle**

Frankenstein grumbled as he wandered through back alleys. He passed several denizens of the underwater city and carefully gazed at each one. None of them were starfish, however, and as he walked by them they also eyed him carefully. One of them got up as soon as he was past and followed closely. Seconds later, he stuck a gun in Frankenstein's back.

"Alright, buddy, gimme your cash," the dolphin grunted. "Make one move, you're dead meat."

Frankenstein spun around and backhanded the dolphin. The gun went off and ripped through Frankenstein's left shoulder. Frankenstein's left arm fell off, but the monster just picked it up and reattached it. Frankenstein growled as he approached the dolphin.

"What are you, man?" the dolphin cried, firing ineffectively. Frankenstein grabbed the dolphin by the throat and shook it back and forth. The dolphin choked as Frankenstein flipped the dolphin upside down. Several wallets fell out of the dolphin's coat. When Frankenstein was satisfied, he tossed the dolphin away and picked up the wallets, slipping them into his pockets.

Frankenstein groaned and moved on.

* * *

 **West Concrete Jungle**

Pizza Steve stumbled around the west side of Concrete Jungle, looking all around him for starfish.

"C'mon Pizza Steve," he muttered. "You can do this! There's gotta be some starfish somewhere!"

Suddenly, he stiffened and his jaw dropped. The slice lowered his sunglasses to take a closer look and grinned.

"Oh, Pizza Steve, you are _good_ ," he smugly purred to himself.

* * *

 **East Concrete Jungle**

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger roared.

"Yeah, I know, Tiger, but I'd still like to see if we can find the starfish. Why start a fight for no reason, right?" Mr. Gus asked.

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger roared.

"Yeah, I know we're running out of time. C'mon, Tiger, there's a chance we'll find those starfish."

"Guys! Guys!"

Mr. Gus and Giant Realistic Flying Tiger spun around at the sound of Pizza Steve's voice. The tasty slice ran up to them.

"Check this out!" Pizza Steve announced, holding up a set of stickers.

Mr. Gus frowned. "Stickers?" he asked.

"Not just any stickers," Pizza Steve said. "Star stickers!"

Mr. Gus's brow furrowed. "Okay, what's your point?"

Pizza Steve grabbed a passing fish and slapped a star sticker on the side of its' head. "Bam! Star fish!"

The fish gasped for oxygen. "It's on my gills! Get it off! Get it off!"

Mr. Gus carefully picked up the fish and peeled the sticker off. Flicking it away, he let go of the fish and turned back to Pizza Steve, frowning.

"Pretty cool, huh?" Pizza Steve said. "I told you Pizza Steve! would get us those starfish."

"Okay, Pizza Steve?" Mr. Gus said calmly. "Those aren't starfish. If we present them to Lord Neptune, he'll have us thrown in the sea dungeons."

"But–"

"FOREVER!" Mr. Gus yelled. "THIS IS ONE OF THE WORST IDEAS YOU'VE EVER HAD!"

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger roared her agreement.

"Oh yeah?" Pizza Steve said angrily. "Well, I think–"

Pizza Steve's face fell.

"I think you're right," he said sadly. "Sorry guys. I don't know what I was trying to do."

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger roared sympathetically.

"Yeah," Mr. Gus said. "Me and Tiger haven't had much luck either, and the best plan we've come up with is an all-out brawl. I guess the stress just got to me there. I'm sorry, little slice."

"Graah!" Frankenstein declared. The group looked over to the approaching monster.

"Hey, Frankenstein," Pizza Steve said. "What's new?"

"Graah," Frankenstein said. He held up a soup can.

"Chicken and stars of the sea soup?" Mr. Gus said, reading the label. He shrugged. "Well, it's worth a shot."

Mr. Gus grabbed the can and squeezed it in his hand. The metal buckled, and the top popped off. Several tuna and starfish flew out of the can.

"Grab those starfish!" Mr. Gus yelled. Frankenstein and Pizza Steve complied. Mr. Gus emptied the rest of the can into his hand.

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger roared, and her friends hopped onto her back.

"We gotta get these starfish back to Lord Neptune before time runs out!" Pizza Steve said frantically.

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger roared her agreement and moved swiftly through the water. Pizza Steve, Mr. Gus, and Frankenstein held on to her as she swept through the ocean currents. Within minutes, they were back at Krabby Kakes. They rushed through the door and up to the front of the line, where Lord Neptune was about to place his order.

"Here you go, Neptune!" Pizza Steve said happily. "Your starfish are here!"

Lord Neptune stared at them, shocked. "Really? You got my starfish?"

"Right here," Mr. Gus said, holding out a handful of starfish.

Lord Neptune sighed. "I guess a deal is a deal. I accept these starfish in exchange for allowing your kind to pollute my ocean."

"Sweet!" Pizza Steve said. The group tried to slip back into line.

"Hey!" an irate shrimp complained. "No cutting! Back of the line, bub!"

"We were here first, _bub_ ," Pizza Steve said angrily. "Is Pizza Steve! going to have to use his Italian kay-rah-tay?"

"Graah!" Frankenstein said angrily.

"Frankenstein's right," Mr. Gus said. "Let's just go to the back of the line and wait our turn."

* * *

 **Krabby Kakes  
Concrete Jungle**

Five hours later, the group finally reached the front of the line.

"I can't believe we had to wait five hours just to get food," Pizza Steve complained. "I'm starving, and I don't even like seafood!"

Mr. Gus groaned. "Let's just get what we need and leave, okay?"

The group stepped forward to the order counter.

"Get outta here, we're closed!" the crab cashier ordered them.

"What?" Mr. Gus asked, shocked. "But we've been waiting all this time!"

"I've been waiting all this time for my shift to be over! Now get out!"

"Not until we get our food, dude!" Pizza Steve said angrily.

"Get your food somewhere else! We're closed!" the crab shouted back at him.

"No way!" Mr. Gus said. "We spent all day hunting around town, and we're going to get our food!"

"Good luck, hombre!" the crab said, and tried to throw down a metal door over the order counter. Mr. Gus caught the door and shoved it back up.

"No! Give us our food!" Pizza Steve said.

"Graah!" Frankenstein said. He pulled a wallet out of his pocket and emptied it onto the counter. A bunch of clams fell out. The crab eyed the pile.

"Fine!" the crab finally said. "You all get hushpuppies!" The crab threw their food at them in a soggy paper bag. "And here's your tartar sauce!" The crab threw the sauce at Frankenstein, who caught it in his mouth. "Now get out!"

The group exited the restaurant. Giant Realistic Flying Tiger roared.

"This is what Uncle Grandpa needs?" Mr. Gus asked, pulling the container of tartar sauce out of Frankenstein's mouth. Giant Realistic Flying Tiger growled, and he rolled his eyes. "Wonderful. He can eat deep dish with it."

An underwater limo screeched to a stop right in front of them, splattering them with sand. The window rolled down, revealing Lord Neptune.

"You commoners have a call," he told them. "I don't know how your friends got this number, but you are going to talk to them and convince them NEVER TO CALL HERE AGAIN! Seriously, it's been three hours of this!"

The group gathered around the window of the limo. A man was on the television screen.

"Ah, there you are," he said. "I've been calling you for three hours! Gah, I'm never trusting the number that idiot gives me ever again. Anyway, you're headed to a place where they do the time warp. Again. So get in the lab, get on the slab, and uh, uh, oh FORGET IT! It's Transylvania!"

The screen fizzled static as the connection was cut. Lord Neptune's limo drove off, leaving Mr. Gus, Pizza Steve, Giant Realistic Flying Tiger, and Frankenstein splattered with sand.

Mr. Gus wiped his face off. "Anybody want to guess who's going to have to lead us in Transylvania?" he asked.

"Graah," Frankenstein said.


	4. Hello Sunshine

**A Dark Room**

Mr. Gus breathed heavily into a cordless telephone. As the seconds passed, his breaths grew louder and angrier until finally he turned the phone's receiver so it was directly in front of his mouth and screamed into it.

"GIVE ME BACK MY CAT!"

* * *

 **Uncle Grandpa RV**

The RV purred down the road, Frankenstein at the wheel and Mr. Gus in the passenger seat.

"Dang, Frankenstein, you're a good driver," Mr. Gus said. "You should drive more often, we'd get in fewer accidents!"

"Graah," Frankenstein said happily.

"Yeah. So, what's waiting for us in Transylvania?" Mr. Gus asked.

Frankenstein tilted his head. "Graah."

"Ah," Mr. Gus said. "You don't talk about him much. There, uh–you two okay with each other?"

Frankenstein stared at the road silently.

"I'm sorry, Frankenstein," Mr. Gus said.

"Graah," Frankenstein said.

* * *

 **Transylvania**

After another few hours of driving, Frankenstein stopped the RV in a large parking lot. Mr. Gus awoke from his nap and sat up.

"This is your hometown? It doesn't look so bad," he said.

"Graah," Frankenstein said, pointing off to the left.

"Oh," Mr. Gus said, following his arm. " _Oh_."

Past the parking lot was a large, craggy mountain with a dirt path leading to the top. On top of the mountain sat a large stone castle, and around it hovered dark storm clouds perpetually releasing lightning into the air. Bats flew in the dark air, and wolf howls could be heard even at that distance.

Mr. Gus gulped. "So I guess we're headed for the castle?"

"Graah," Frankenstein said.

"Alright," Mr. Gus said, standing up and pulling aside the curtain that separated the cockpit from the rest of the RV. "Pizza Steve, Tiger, we're here!" he called into the back of the vehicle.

Seconds later, the door to Giant Realistic Flying Tiger's room opened and she flew out. About half a minute later, Pizza Steve popped out of his pizza box, yawning, and walked to the middle of the RV, where Frankenstein, Mr. Gus, and Giant Realistic Flying Tiger had gathered.

"Dude, can't this wait?" Pizza Steve asked. "I was in the middle of my nap."

"No, it can't," Mr. Gus said. "The sooner we do, uh, whatever we need to do here, the sooner we get Uncle Grandpa back. And I _don't_ want to hear any of _your whining_ about it!" He turned to Frankenstein. "So, what are we supposed to do, Frankenstein?"

"Graah," Frankenstein said.

Mr. Gus nodded. "Then that's what we'll do. You're gonna have to guide us, but don't worry, Frankenstein. We're behind you all the way. Up the hill, and at the top. Believe me, we'll do whatever it takes."

* * *

 **Transylvania**

The quartet started up the hill. They didn't get more than a few feet when a man joined them on the path. He shuffled out of the bushes and started walking alongside them.

"Hello," the man said. "You out here alone?"

Pizza Steve looked around. "I don't see anybody else but us."

"Good," the man said.

The man's grin opened wider than should be possible for a human face, and his teeth sharpened. His eyes turned yellow, and tufts of fur began to spring up all over his body. Muscles rippled along his back and arms as he transformed into a beast, and he howled at the sky before turning back to the quartet with a hungry look in his eyes.

Frankenstein rolled his eyes and hit the werewolf on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper. The werewolf whimpered and covered his nose with his front paws. He looked at Frankenstein pleadingly, and Frankenstein waggled the newspaper. Giving up, the werewolf ran off, still covering his nose.

"Graah," Frankenstein said.

"Okay, you know, you could've warned us that we were going to have to fight werewolves," Pizza Steve said. "I would have limbered up to use my Italian kay-ra-tay. Not that I, y'know, can't do it, it's just that it's not going to be as spectacular if I don't stretch first."

"Oh really?" a sultry voice purred. "Why don't you show me some of that, you tasty slice."

The group turned to see three amazingly beautiful women looking at them. One of them licked her lips as they approached.

"So, handsome," the one on the left said, running her fingers along Mr. Gus's neck. "I haven't seen you around here. What say we go get a bite?"

"Um, well, I'm kind of busy at the moment–" Mr. Gus stammered out awkwardly.

"So, tasty slice, how hot is your sauce?" the first woman said in a sultry tone, kneeling down to look him over more closely.

"Hot and sweet, just like me, baby," Pizza Steve said confidently.

"No, seriously, I'm kind of, uh, looking for a friend–" Mr. Gus continued.

"Oh, I'll be your friend," the woman purred. She leaned in to whisper in his ear. "I'll be more than a friend."

"So, tiger," the last woman said to Giant Realistic Flying Tiger, running a hand down her back. "How about we find out if I can make you roar?"

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger was only able to muster a surprised mewl at this statement.

"C'mon, pizza boy," Pizza Steve's paramour said. "You can be my special delivery."

"Graah," Frankenstein said, annoyed.

"Oh, big orange and furry, don't deny me," the last woman whispered in Giant Realistic Flying Tiger's ear. "How about I take you home and rub your–"

Suddenly, the woman shrieked and clawed at her face. She fell back from Giant Realistic Flying Tiger, and frantically kicked herself away while lying on the ground. Frankenstein advanced on her with a spray bottle and squirted her a few more times. The woman ran off. Mr. Gus's would-be seducer turned to him angrily, but Frankenstein sprayed her in the face as well, and she wisely decided to leave. Frankenstein then turned to Pizza Steve and the woman with him. Pizza Steve leapt in front of her.

"No way, man!" he said angrily. "I don't know what's in that bottle, but you're not gonna–"

Frankenstein pulled the trigger. The woman turned into a bat and flew away while Pizza Steve got the entire blast in his face.

"AAAH!" the slice screamed. "NO! AHH! NO! IT BURNS! IT STINGS! IT SINGES! WHY! WHY! WHY! PIZZA STEVE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO...supposed to...uh..."

Pizza Steve licked his lips. "Wait a second, that's garlic juice. It's totally Pizza Steve's style!"

"Graah," Frankenstein said.

"All right, what's going on here?" Pizza Steve asked, annoyed. "Because Pizza Steve! was totally about to get a date with that fine, sweet lady."

"I think I can explain," Mr. Gus said. "They were vampires. Is that right, Frankenstein?"

Frankenstein nodded. "Graah."

"Dude..." Pizza Steve said, annoyed. "Pizza Steve's down with that."

"What I want to know is, what next?" Mr. Gus asked. "We've barely started, and already we've had to deal with a werewolf and some vampires. Call me crazy, but I don't think we've seen the only monsters on this mountain."

"Raah," Frankenstein agreed.

"Oh, what, you think the invisible man is going to show up?" Pizza Steve asked mockingly.

The bushes next to them shuffled loudly. The shuffling receded into the distance, but although branches were pushed aside and the ground was trampled, whatever was making the noises and moving the branches was not visible to their eyes.

"...well," Mr. Gus said. "Apparently."

"Graah," Frankenstein said.

"You're right," Mr. Gus said. "We'd better just keep moving."

* * *

 **Transylvania**

The group made it about halfway up the hill before running into any more trouble. Admittedly, they did have to fight off more vampires and a few werewolves, but Frankenstein's garlic juice spritzer and rolled-up newspaper made quick work of these monsters–and, for those werewolves that were not deterred by Frankenstein's newspaper, Mr. Gus's skills at fetch made them unwilling to attack, as the werewolves preferred to bring back the sticks the dinosaur threw. However, it was at this point that they found a new foe facing them.

A mummy groaned as it made its way out of some bushes. The group stopped and stared as the mummy stretched in front of them and yawned before leaping back upon noticing the group.

"Graah!" Frankenstein said.

"Mraah!" the mummy replied.

"Graah!"

"Mraah!"

"GRAAH!"

"MRAAH!"

Frankenstein and the mummy charged at each other. They met at high speed and wrapped each other up in a huge hug.

Pizza Steve, Mr. Gus, and Giant Realistic Flying Tiger stood still and stared at the sight for several minutes, unable to believe their eyes. Finally, Frankenstein and the mummy broke their hug.

"Uh, Frankenstein?" Pizza Steve said slowly. "What's going on?"

"Graah!" Frankenstein said, smiling.

"Yes, quite," the mummy said. "I'm very pleased to meet you. My name is Huamanpallpa."

"Oh, uh, nice to meet you, Huama–Humma–uh, sorry. How do you pronounce your name?" Mr. Gus asked.

"Huamanpallpa. Mraah?" Huamanpallpa asked Frankenstein.

"Graah," Frankenstein replied gravely.

"Mraah?" Huamanpallpa asked.

"Graah," Frankenstein said, nodding.

"Mraah," Huamanpallpa said. He turned to the others. "Okay, I know a secret tunnel through the mountain, and Frankenstein thinks we should take it. Are you interested?"

Pizza Steve, Mr. Gus, and Giant Realistic Flying Tiger looked at each other and shrugged in unison.

"Well then, let's get started," Huamanpallpa said.

* * *

 **Transylvania**

A few minutes later, the group were standing in front of the castle at the top of the mountain.

"Thanks so much, Huamanpallpa," Mr. Gus said.

"Oh, it was my pleasure!" the mummy replied. "After all, Frankenstein is an old friend of mine." He turned to Frankenstein. "Mraah."

"Graah," Frankenstein replied.

"Mraah?"

"Graah."

"Mraah."

"Graah."

"Mraah."

Huamanpallpa turned back to the rest of the group. "Please. Support my friend, no matter how difficult things become."

"You can count on us," Mr. Gus said. "Frankenstein is our friend too."

"Very well. I must say goodbye now."

So saying, the mummy ducked into some nearby bushes and disappeared. Frankenstein stared at the the thick dark wooden door. He didn't make any move to knock.

"Hey, Frankenstein?" Mr. Gus said. "We really are behind you."

"Yeah, man," Pizza Steve said. "We're like, a family. Pizza Steve is the cool one, Mr. Gus is the dorky one–"

"Hey!" Mr. Gus complained.

"–Giant Realistic Flying Tiger is the chick, and you're like, the big one," Pizza Steve continued. "We're with you all the way, bro."

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger roared.

Frankenstein smiled and turned back towards the door. He knocked on it. A few seconds later, the door creaked open.

"Who is it?" a grouchy voice asked.

"Graah!" Frankenstein said.

The door hung ajar for a few seconds before being flung open. A man with bright red hair that was slowly turning gray threw himself at Frankenstein and pulled him into a hug.

"My son!" the man proclaimed. "It's so wonderful to see you again! We have so much to catch up on! Oh, and are these your friends? Come in, come in!"

* * *

 **Scientist's Castle  
Transylvania**

Frankenstein's creator proceeded to serve everyone tea and tarts. While he made sure they were comfortable and fed, he chatted with them about their lives. However, his main focus was on Frankenstein, who shared information with his father about himself and what he'd been up to over the previous fifteen years. Although Frankenstein could only speak in groans and growls, his father seemed to understand him perfectly, and as the hours wore on, the two chatted up a storm. Slowly, Mr. Gus, Pizza Steve, and Giant Realistic Flying Tiger drifted off to sleep. While they slumbered, Frankenstein and his father continued to talk, and as a new day dawned and the trio awoke they found Frankenstein and the scientist still engaged in conversation.

Mr. Gus cleared his throat. Frankenstein looked over at them, and suddenly sat up, startled.

"Graah?" he asked his father.

"Oh, yes, of course! The tire-pressure gauge for Uncle Grandpa. Yes, I finished that a week ago; let me just go get it."

The scientist got up and left the room. A few minutes later, he came back with a technologically sophisticated tire-pressure gauge.

"Here it is," he said, handing it off to Mr. Gus. "Now, son, are you sure you have to go?"

"Graah," Frankenstein said.

"Of course, of course. I understand. It was wonderful to see you again," the scientist said.

Frankenstein walked forward and embraced his father. His father returned the hug.

* * *

 **Uncle Grandpa RV**

"Well, I guess we got what we needed from Transylvania," Mr. Gus said. "The only question is, where's Uncle Grandpa?"

Suddenly, the phone in Mr. Gus's room rang.

"That answers that question," the dinosaur said. "Wait here a minute."

Mr. Gus headed into his room and picked up the phone. He didn't speak.

"Congratulations!" the voice on the other side said. "I guess you got what you needed, didn't you. Well guess what? It's not over yet! Now you have to go to–hold on." The voice fell silent for a few seconds. "Is anyone there?"

Mr. Gus didn't respond.

"C'mon, seriously, is anyone there?"

Mr. Gus said nothing.

"Do I have the right number?"

Mr. Gus began breathing into the phone.

"Um, hello? What's going on?"

As the seconds passed, his breaths grew louder and angrier.

"Uh, this is, uh, kind of creepy. Um, who, uh, who is this?"

Mr. Gus turned the phone's receiver so it was directly in front of his mouth and screamed into it.

"GIVE ME BACK MY CAT!"

"YAAAH!" the man on the other end screamed. Mr. Gus cracked up.

"Yeah, serves you right, you kidnapper!" Mr. Gus said happily. "Now tell us how to get to Uncle Grandpa!"

"No!" the man said angrily. "Just for that, I'm not telling you anyth–hey! Give that back!"

"Uh, yeah," Uncle Grandpa said into the phone. "You've gotta go to Albequerque now. Meet up with Weird Pal."

"Thanks, Uncle Grandpa," Mr. Gus said. "Say, I guess there's no chance that you could just–"

A dial tone emitted from the phone. Mr. Gus sighed.

"Fine," he said to nobody. "We'll go to Albuquerque and see Weird Pal."


	5. Song for the Sky

**A Fancy Restaurant**

Pizza Steve sat across from an attractive woman at a table for two. The woman was an attractive brunette with a thick mane of hair and piercing green eyes. She was wearing a red dress, gold hoop earrings, red-pink lipstick, and a simple necklace. She sighed and turned to the slice of pepperoni.

"I don't think this is working, Steven."

Pizza Steve jolted. "What?"

"I mean, it's just–" the pretty woman continued.

"Ssh!" Pizza Steve said, hopping onto the table and pressing a finger against her lips. "Hold that thought."

Pizza Steve leapt off the table and presented a ring box. He opened it up, revealing a diamond ring.

"Will you m-marry me, bro?" he asked nervously.

* * *

 **Uncle Grandpa RV**

"So, I'm confused," Pizza Steve said. "I thought Weird Pal was, like, hiding in one of these drawers. Forever."

Demonstrating his point, Pizza Steve opened a drawer in a nearby table. Weird Pal popped out.

"Hi, guys!" Weird Pal said happily. "Wow, I thought you'd never bring me back after my brief guest appearance! So what can I do for you?"

"Hold on," Mr. Gus said. "We were supposed to meet you in Albuquerque."

"Albuquerque?" the robot asked. Mr. Gus nodded. "I love that place! Did I ever tell you about the time I went there? Well, way back when I was just a little bitty boy living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement–"

"Look, Weird Pal," Mr. Gus interrupted, "I'm sure this is very interesting, but how can you be here if we're supposed to meet you in Albuquerque?"

Weird Pal laughed. "I'm here and in Albuquerque, of course! Say, you wanna see some pictures of my vacation to the Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota?"

"No thanks," Mr. Gus said. "So what are we supposed to do in Albuquerque?"

"Mmm, good question," Weird Pal said. His eyes lit up. "Hey! Maybe it's my ex-girlfriend!"

"Your ex-girlfriend?" Mr. Gus asked.

"When did you get a girlfriend?" Pizza Steve asked suspiciously. "I didn't even see you leave the RV!"

"I never left the RV," Weird Pal said. "I've been in this dresser drawer this whole time."

"Um, that's a table," Mr. Gus pointed out.

Weird Pal shrugged. "Yeah, but I'm weird, so, whatever!"

"He's got a point," Pizza Steve said.

Mr. Gus sighed. "Fine. So, tell us about your ex-girlfriend."

"Well, her name's Melanie, and she's _crazy_!" Weird Pal said. "At first I thought she was fine with us breaking up, but then I kept bumping into her, and we were always shaking hands, and I woke up one morning with her name carved in my leg. So I got a restraining order, you know? I swear, it's like her commute is always just happening to coincide with mine. And I keep catching her giving me these looks. Plus, there are these calls where it's just a few seconds of breathing and then she hangs up. Totally uncool, right?"

"So, you need us to..." Pizza Steve prompted.

"Take her out, show her a good time, get her to forget about me," Weird Pal said. "Hey! Maybe I can come along, make sure it works!"

Mr. Gus shrugged. "Sure. I can do that."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Pizza Steve interjected. "Mr. Gus, step aside. I mean, you haven't had a date in what, sixty million years?"

"Well, actually–"

"We all know who the real ladykiller in this RV is, and it's _Pizza Steve_! I'm gonna take her out, show her a good time. By the end of this date, she'll have forgotten all about Weird Pal and be totally obsessed with this delicious slice of hunk."

Mr. Gus sighed. "Fine. So, Weird Pal, know where we might run into her?"

"Probably here," Weird Pal said.

The RV smashed into a glass storefront, through the back of the store, and into a brick wall. The door to the RV swung open, revealing that they were parked next to an insurance office.

"That's where she works," Weird Pal supplied. "Go get her, champ!"

Weird Pal shoved Pizza Steve out the door of the RV and pulled it shut.

Pizza Steve peeled himself off of the pavement. "Well. I guess it's time for Pizza Steve! to show Albuquerque just what kind of a slice it's dealing with."

Pizza Steve walked into the insurance office. The man behind the desk looked him over.

"Good afternoon, sir! What can I do for you?" he asked.

Pizza Steve smirked and leaned against the counter coolly. "I'd like to speak with Melanie, if I could."

The man's brow wrinkled. "Do you have a policy with us?"

"No, but I'm looking to get one. I was referred to her by a friend," Pizza Steve said calmly.

"Alright, if you could just fill out this form I'll see if she's available," the receptionist said, handing over a clipboard.

While Pizza Steve filled out the clipboard, the receptionist went into the row of offices behind him. He stopped at a door and stuck his head in, and although Pizza Steve was focused on writing down his personal information, he did catch a few phrases, including "sentient piece of pizza" and "what if he's related to him". Soon, Pizza Steve finished filling out the clipboard, so he capped the pen and headed back to the counter.

"Uh, hello, insurance dude?" Pizza Steve called. "I finished filling out your form, bro."

The receptionist hustled out of the back. "Alright, thanks so much, go ahead and take that back to Melanie. She's ready to see you now and talk about your options, see what best fits your lifestyle. Go ahead in."

Smirking, Pizza Steve hopped off the desk and headed towards Melanie's office. As he walked down the hall, he took out a bottle of breath spray and spritzed it into his mouth a couple of times before exhaling heavily. He strode into Melanie's office confidently.

An attractive green-eyed brunette in business clothing looked at him as he walked in. "Steven, I presume?" she asked, all business.

"That's right," Pizza Steve says. "Pizza Steve! is in the house."

"So, I'm given to understand you're a...pizza slice," Melanie said.

Pizza Steve exuded an air of confidence as he sat back in the chair and pretended to examine his nails. "That's what I am," he said. "Hot and delicious, just like you."

Melanie paused for a moment before deciding to continue. "So, um, Steven. What exactly do you wanna be insured against?"

"Oh, you know," Pizza Steve said. "The entire package. Home, auto, life, awkward pit stains, not getting a dinner date with you."

Melanie stared at him. "Are you seriously asking me out?"

"What man wouldn't?" Pizza Steve asked. "I mean, you're everything anyone could ever want."

Melanie's mouth opened and closed several times before she finally said, "This is the first time I've ever seen you."

"Same here," Pizza Steve said. "It must be love at first sight."

Melanie sighed and put her face in her hands. After a few seconds, she looked up at him again.

"Look, are you going to buy insurance or not?"

"That depends," Pizza Steve said smoothly. "Are you going to go out to dinner with me or not?"

Melanie groaned.

"Seriously, it's on me," Pizza Steve said. "Just give me one date, one chance to prove that you and me were meant to be. Please."

Melanie sighed. "This wouldn't be the worst decision I've ever made. Fine. Tonight, 7:00, Rancher's Club. You're buying me whatever I want, and you'd better buy an insurance policy."

Pizza Steve grinned. "That's all I wanted to hear."

* * *

 **Rancher's Club  
Albuquerque, New Mexico**

"You sure you know what you're doing?" Mr. Gus asked.

"Please," Pizza Steve said. "It's a dinner date. Pizza Steve is going to ace this. By the time he's done, she'll have forgotten all about Weird Pal."

"Oh! That's–good!" Weird Pal said stiltedly.

"Okay then. We'll keep an eye on everything from outside, just to be sure, okay?" Mr. Gus said.

"Watch and learn, Mr. Gus," Pizza Steve said suavely. "By the time this date is over, you're gonna be wishing you were as smooth as Pizza Steve."

"Of course I am," Mr. Gus muttered sarcastically. "Good luck, little slice."

Pizza Steve strode into the restaurant confidently, suit dapper and well-fitted to his body.

"So there you are!" a loud voice said. Mr. Gus and Frankenstein turned to look at the source of the voice. It was a bald man wearing a suit.

"So, you must be the new chef," the bald man said to Frankenstein.

"Graah?" Frankenstein asked, confused.

"Yes, of course. And you're the new waiter," the bald man said to Mr. Gus.

Mr. Gus chuckled. "Well, actually, you see–"

"Come along now, we have no time to waste! And didn't you know you have to wear a suit?" the bald man chastised.

"Well, you see–" Mr. Gus started to say before stopping midsentence. A smile came over his face. "Yes, yes, of course! Let me just put it on, and I'll be right in! I apologize, I didn't realize I'd be expected to start right away."

* * *

 **Rancher's Club  
Albuquerque, New Mexico**

Pizza Steve and Melanie sat across from each other at the restaurant.

"So, Melanie," Pizza Steve said, "Wanna hear some more about the awesomeness that is Pizza Steve?"

"Actually, yes," Melanie said, pulling some papers out of her purse. "I'd like to get some of your personal info so we can get started on your insurance policies."

"Oh. Well, um, okay," Pizza Steve said gamely. "What do you want to know?"

"Let's start with something simple," Melanie said. "When is your birthday?"

"My birthday? Is everyday," Pizza Steve said.

"Right," Melanie deadpanned. "So do you think you're ever gonna die?"

"Nothing can kill Pizza Steve," Pizza Steve said. "I mean, what would even _dare_ to approach the magnificence that is Pizza Steve only to end it? Nothing, that's what. I'm gonna live forever."

"Really?" Melanie asked. "So you don't think you'll ever have a use for life insurance?"

"Life needs to be insured from me," Pizza Steve said suavely.

Melanie chewed on the end of her pen. "Whole life or term life?"

"Oh, all of it, honey," Pizza Steve said. "Then again, maybe you'd better insure it for the short-term too. Pizza Steve is planning to do a _lot_ of living. It's gonna be... _extremely awesome_."

"In that case, would you mind filling out these forms?" Melanie asked.

"Oh, yeah," Pizza Steve said. He took the forms and the pen and began working on them. While he was sweating over them, their waiter arrived.

"So, are we ready to order?" he asked.

"I certainly am," Melanie said. "I'll have the filet mignon, rare, with garlic mashed potatoes, and we'd like to split an appetizer of calamari."

"And I'll have the lobster tail, if you please," Pizza Steve said. "Maybe with a side of crab macaroni and–"

Pizza Steve stopped the instant he saw who the waiter was. His jaw dropped.

"Rare filet mignon with garlic mashed potatoes for the lady, lobster tail with crab macaroni and cheese for the gentleman, and calamari to share. I'll get your orders right out," Mr. Gus said smoothly before walking off with their menus.

Melanie turned back to Pizza Steve. "Well that was interesting."

"Uh, yeah," Pizza Steve said, unnerved. "I've never seen that dinosaur before in my life."

Melanie giggled. "Who has? And who'd expect a dinosaur to work at a restaurant?"

"I know, right?" Pizza Steve laughed.

Pizza Steve went back to his paperwork. After a few minutes, he handed it back to Melanie.

"So, where do you live?" Melanie asked.

"Me? I live in this cool RV, with some of my friends, like–" Pizza Steve stopped as he remembered Weird Pal. "I mean, I rent an apartment. Yeah. A wicked cool apartment."

"Really?" Melanie asked. "Do you have renter's insurance? It's always important to make sure to insure your stuff in case something happens to it." She pulled some more papers out of her purse. "We can set you up if you'll just fill out these forms."

"Oh, I am so there!" Pizza Steve said enthusiastically.

* * *

 **Rancher's Club  
Albuquerque, New Mexico**

By the time their dinner arrived, Melanie had managed to get Pizza Steve to also sign up for automobile insurance, homeowner's insurance, pet insurance, and insurance against alien abductions. As they ate, Pizza Steve kept the conversation going.

"And so after all that, after all that fuss, we look back into the room and realize that in trying to get the ball out of the room without touching the floor, we've totally destroyed it. And that's when Mr. Gus comes back, just stomps in looking about fifty feet tall, and walks over to the ballroom and you know what he does?"

"What?" Melanie asked, interested.

"He walks right by it and opens the door to this ball pit we had installed!"

"Wait, really?" Melanie asked.

"Yeah, we like, had it installed as its separate room, and it turns out that that's what Mr. Gus meant when he was talking about us not going in the ballroom. It wasn't the ballroom, single-word, it was the ball room, two words!" Pizza Steve exclaimed.

"Get out!" Melanie said happily.

"No, I'm serious, bro, he just walks right into that ball pit, and then these other fancy people follow him in, and they spend the rest of the night having a ball pit party! It was totally crazy!" Pizza Steve said.

Melanie laughed and took a bite of her steak. She chewed thoughtfully.

"So," she said after she swallowed, "why were you being so careful around your own ballroom?"

"What do you mean?" Pizza Steve asked.

"I mean, it was your penthouse, right?" Melanie asked. "So why were you so worried about messing it up? It's not like it was Mr. Gus's ballroom or anything."

Pizza Steve chuckled nervously. "Well, you know, Mr. Gus, he's a responsible guy. I kinda like to, like to live life on the edge, you know? But Mr. Gus is more reserved, so if he's got this thing happening that's a big deal for him, I want him to–I want him to have it go off well, you know? So that's why I didn't want to mess things up for him, even if I almost ended up doing that anyway."

Melanie shrugged. "Fair enough. I just didn't figure you to be the kind of guy who just does whatever somebody else wants."

"I'm not!" Pizza Steve said quickly. "But Mr. Gus is a good friend of mine." He stared down at his plate, his next words coming out as a rushed mutter. "I kind of wish I was him."

"Sorry, what was that?" Melanie asked.

"Oh!" Pizza Steve said, head snapping up. "I, uh, I kind of...wish the lights were dim! Yeah, that's it. It's too bright in here."

Melanie chose not to question him further and returned to her meal. Pizza Steve did the same, finishing off his lobster tail and crab macaroni. As soon as they took their final bites of dinner, Mr. Gus showed up at their table.

"Would you two care for dessert?" he asked.

"Of course!" Pizza Steve said. "Pizza Steve loves dessert! I'll have triple-chocolate ice cream, two scoops."

"Certainly," Mr. Gus said. "And for you, ma'am?"

"I'll have the cheesecake," Melanie said.

"It'll be right out," Mr. Gus said. "A busboy will be by soon to take your plates."

Mr. Gus headed back toward the kitchen. Melanie watched him leave, then sighed and turned to Pizza Steve.

"I don't think this is working, Steven," she said.

Pizza Steve jolted. "What?"

"I mean, it's just–" Melanie continued.

"Ssh!" Pizza Steve said, hopping onto the table and pressing a finger against her lips. "Hold that thought."

Pizza Steve leapt off the table and presented a ring box. He opened it up, revealing a diamond ring.

"Will you m-marry me, bro?" he asked nervously.

Melanie's mouth dropped open. "Are you serious?" she finally asked.

"I totally am," Pizza Steve said.

"No!" Melanie said loudly. "No! Are you insane? We just met–you bought insurance from me, for Pete's sake!"

"Well, I–" Pizza Steve started to say.

"Are you serious? You're like, the second worst guy I've ever met!" Melanie said. "I mean, I thought it was nice how you felt about your friend, but I don't care how rich you are, I don't date creeps!"

Mr. Gus stopped as he exited the kitchen with their deserts. He turned around and went back in.

"Frankenstein! Things have gone pear-shaped! Do you have a backup plan?" he frantically asked.

"Graah," Frankenstein said, tossing him a ring box.

"Thanks," Mr. Gus said.

"YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS A DATE?" Melanie yelled, shocked. "This was a dinner appointment to talk about insurance!"

Pizza Steve was collapsed on the floor, almost in tears. Mr. Gus hustled over and dropped to one knee next to him. He pulled out his ring box and bowed his head.

"Girl, will you marry me?" Mr. Gus asked.

The ring box popped open, revealing a diamond ring. Melanie just stared at him, shocked. After a few seconds, she groaned and thunked her head onto the table.

"That's it," she mumbled into the tablecloth. "I am done with the dating scene in this town."

"Hey, whoa, don't say that," Pizza Steve said, hopping onto the table. "There's lots of fish in the sea. I'm sure you'll find somebody out there for you. You know, someone who isn't me. Or Mr. Gus."

Melanie looked up, surprised. " _You're_ Mr. Gus?"

"Um, yeah," Mr. Gus said. He scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "I take it Pizza Steve told you about me?"

Melanie groaned. "Ugh. The worst part about this both of you combined are better than the last guy who had a thing for me."

"The last guy?" Pizza Steve asked.

"Yeah. Weird Pal really needs to stop stalking me."

It was at that moment that Weird Pal decided to beat a hasty retreat. He quickly stood up and vamoosed out of the bushes–or at least, he would have had he not tripped and landed on the pavement with a loud clatter, attracting everyone's attention. As they watched, Weird Pal quickly got up and ran away.

Back at her table, Melanie groaned. "Ugh. That was him. _Again_. I swear, restraining orders are useless."

"Whoa, hold up," Mr. Gus said. "Weird Pal was stalking you?"

"Yeah, he got this telescope and started spying on me with it, and went through my garbage, and gave my cat a mohawk," Melanie said. "And then he tattooed my name across his forehead, and when that didn't work, he jumped off the sixteenth floor of my apartment building. I had to call the cops on him and get a restraining order, and when the cops searched his place they found, like this map of my commute and a bunch of other stuff–it was really creepy, I don't like to talk about it."

Melanie's phone rang. She sighed. "That's probably him. He's just gonna breathe into the phone for a few seconds and then hang up."

Melanie took her phone out of her purse and put in on speakerphone. "Hello," she said dully.

"Hey Melanie!" Uncle Grandpa said on the other end of the line.

"Uncle Grandpa!" Mr. Gus said excitedly.

"Oh, goodie! Mr. Gus, you're there!" Uncle Grandpa exclaimed. "So, did you get Weird Pal to stop stalking Melanie?"

"Um, maybe?" Mr. Gus said awkwardly. "I mean, Pizza Steve went out with her, and she told us about it, but–I really don't know."

"Oh, well," Uncle Grandpa said. "That's just the way things go."

"So what now?" Pizza Steve asked.

"Yeah," Mr. Gus said. "Shouldn't that other guy have called us?"

"He's too busy sulking," Uncle Grandpa said.

"I am not sulking!" an annoyed voice piped up in the background. "I just don't want to deal with your idiot friends!"

"Yeah, so, anyway, I need you guys to take the time machine and go back to the end of the Cretaceous," Uncle Grandpa said.

"And then what?" Mr. Gus asked.

"Just wait there," Uncle Grandpa said.

"Wait," Melanie said. "Hold on. Uncle Grandpa?"

"Yes, Melanie?" Uncle Grandpa said.

"Are you telling me that you sent Pizza Steve to date me because Weird Pal kept stalking me and you were hoping that this would make Weird Pal stop but it may not have worked at all and now you're planning to have them go back to a time when dinosaurs walked the earth without making sure the problem was solved?" Melanie asked.

"Yeah, that's about right," Uncle Grandpa said.

"What was the point of this, then?"

"The point?" Uncle Grandpa said. "All I'm really trying to say is that if one day you happen to wake up and find yourself in an existential quandary full of loathing and self-doubt and wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiless meaningful existence, at least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that, somewhere out there in this crazy mixed-up universe of ours, there's still a little place called Albuquerque. And that place will continue to exist as long as the skies are blue and Crispin's lies are true. Goodnight."


	6. Pull Me Through

**The Moon**

An angry goose pecked at Pizza Steve's rear end. Pizza Steve ran from it as it squawked at him, trying to eat him.

"Aah! Uncle G! Ah! Uncle G! Waah!" Pizza Steve yelped frantically.

* * *

 **Uncle Grandpa RV**

Mr. Gus stared into the mirror in his room. The dinosaur in the mirror stared back. Both of them looked immensely stressed.

"It's okay, Mr. Gus," he muttered to himself. "It's gonna be alright. Who cares if you haven't seen another dinosaur in sixty-five million years? Or that you spent so much time alone, or that you were only a child when–"

Mr. Gus broke off and took a few deep breaths. He stared into the mirror.

And remembered.

* * *

 **Earth  
65,298,122 years ago**

"Mama, look at what I can do!"

A young Mr. Gus balanced on his tail and made a silly face. His mother, nibbling on some nearby grass, just rolled her eyes.

"That's nice, dear," she said absentmindedly.

"Now look at this, Mama!" the young Mr. Gus said, balancing on his tongue.

Mr. Gus's mother spared a glance backward and chuckled. "That's nice, dear, but remember, you don't get dessert until after you finish your vegetables."

"Aw, mom!" Mr. Gus complained.

"Now if you want to grow up big and strong, you have to eat your dinner, remember?" Mr. Gus's mother admonished him.

Mr. Gus sighed but stopped showing off and began nibbling at some grass as well. He quickly ate his way through the patch of grass in front of him before standing up.

"I finished my dinner, mama!" he said. "Is it time for dessert?"

His mother smiled. "Of course, my darling child. Then an hour of playtime, and then time for bed, alright?"

Mr. Gus nodded happily. "Thanks, mama!"

* * *

 **Earth**

"...and they all lived happily ever after."

Mr. Gus's mother closed the storybook and laid a hand on her sleepy child's head. "Sweet dreams," she whispered to him.

"Night, mama," Mr. Gus said sleepily as he rolled over in his bed. Mr. Gus's mother smiled and walked out of the room, turning out the lights as she went. Within minutes, Mr. Gus was asleep.

That night, an earthquake occurred and the house caved in. Mr. Gus was hit with a stray piece of rubble and went into a coma. Everyone else in the house made it out alive and unharmed, but Mr. Gus had to go to the hospital.

* * *

 **Earth  
65,298,121 years ago**

A meteor struck the earth, causing cataclysmic explosions and forever altering the course of evolution.

* * *

 **Earth  
65,298,119 years ago**

Mr. Gus woke up covered in dust.

Mr. Gus sneezed several times and shivered, shaking much of the dust off. He looked around and found himself in a strange bed in a deserted hospital.

"Hello?" he called out nervously. "Mama?"

Mr. Gus scanned the hospital room nervously. He tried to push himself out of bed but found himself almost unable to move.

"What happened?" he asked, confused. "Mama? Mama, where are you! MOM!"

No response came. Mr. Gus's eyes watered, and he began to cry.

When Mr. Gus had cried himself out, he tried to move again. This time, he was able to roll over onto his side. After taking a break to pant, Mr. Gus put as much effort as possible into getting himself to roll over again. Although his atrophied muscles screamed at him, he was able to roll over again, toppling over the side of the bed.

Mr. Gus hit the floor hard and groaned from pain. Lifting his head, he stared at the wall.

Mr. Gus spent the next hour barely moving on the floor as he strained to turn himself towards the door. Once he was pointed at it, he began putting as much effort as he could into moving towards the door.

Before he got even halfway there, he blacked out again.

* * *

 **Earth**

When Mr. Gus woke up again, he found pain shooting through every nerve of his body. He groaned but began trying to move again, this time forwards toward the doorway. After a long stretch of effort, he finally found himself out in the hallway.

Mr. Gus groaned as he looked from side to side. The closest way out was the stairwell twenty feet away, but for an already exhausted Mr. Gus, it might as well have been a mile.

Mr. Gus shut his eyes and thought about going to sleep. Before he could give up, though, his eyes popped open. Filled with new resolve, he forced his body to move, spending hours crawling towards the stairwell. When he finally reached it, he managed to stick his head and shoulders over the edge.

It was then that gravity took over, and Mr. Gus began sliding forward. He realized what was about to happen too late to stop it even if his muscles weren't out of commission. Mr. Gus fell down the stairs, bounced off the wall on the end, and fell down the rest of the stairs.

Mr. Gus landed at the bottom of the stairwell, unconscious.

* * *

 **Earth**

Mr. Gus's head buzzed with a splitting headache. Mr. Gus squinted as he tried to make sense of the world in front of him, then shut his eyes. The world was silent except for the sound of trickling water.

Mr. Gus's eyes jolted open. He managed to get them to focus, and spotted a fountain in the middle of the lobby, still operating at a low level. Water bubbled out of the top and fell into the pool below.

Mr. Gus tried to stand up again and was still unable to do so. Instead, he crawled forward, inch by inch, until he finally reached the fountain. Once there, he managed to lift his head and drop it into the water.

Mr. Gus drank as deeply as he could before lifting his head out of the water and rolling over. He panted heavily as the water settled itself in him. It was only then that he realized how dehydrated he'd been.

Mr. Gus coughed sickly and then plunged his head into the water again. He took another deep drink and then pulled his head out. He wriggled away from the fountain and lay on the floor in the fetal position.

Slowly, Mr. Gus fell asleep.

* * *

 **Earth  
65,298,118 years ago**

After a year, Mr. Gus had regained enough muscle that he could walk normally. His makeshift physical therapy had strengthened him, and he was ready take on the world.

The only problem was that the world around him was dead.

* * *

 **Uncle Grandpa RV  
Sometime in the early 21st century**

Mr. Gus blinked and snapped out of his trance. He stared at himself in the mirror.

"No," he breathed. "That's all in the past." He took a deep breath. "It doesn't matter. I don't need to know why my family abandoned me. Why everyone...left..."

Mr. Gus broke down cried silently for a few minutes. When his tears stopped flowing, he wiped his eyes and turned away from the mirror.

In the mirror, a young dinosaur watched as an adult version of him stepped out the door of his room in the RV.

* * *

 **Uncle Grandpa RV**

"Okay, are we all ready to go?" Mr. Gus asked the gathered group in front of him.

Frankenstein nodded. "Graah."

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger growled her assent.

"Let's get on with it, Mr. G.," Pizza Steve said.

"Right," Mr. Gus said. He turned to the robot operating the time machine. "Tiny Miracle, you're gonna take care of business here, right?"

Tiny Miracle unspooled another arm and used it to salute. "You can count on me, Mr. Gus!"

"Alright," Mr. Gus said.

"Wait," a voice behind the group said. They turned to look at him.

Crispin put down the lampshade he was holding. "Guys, I've known Uncle Grandpa for a long time, and he always knows what he's doing. Trust me, he may be weird and probably insane, but if he wants you to go back in time, it's probably for your own good. Good luck, guys, and stay safe."

"We will, Crispin," Mr. Gus promised.

"Yeah, totally," Pizza Steve said.

"Graah," Frankenstein added.

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger roared.

"Okay!" Tiny Miracle said. "The time machine's coordinates are clocked in!"

Mr. Gus nodded. "Let's go."

* * *

 **Earth  
65,298,121 years ago**

When the group stepped through the portal they found themselves in a time that was definitely not their own. The world had gotten hotter, and there were a lot of bugs. Besides that, the plants were odd-looking, many of them ones that none of them had ever seen before.

None of them except Mr. Gus, that is. As Mr. Gus stared out at the landscape of his childhood, he sniffled. He tried to hold back tears as he looked at a world that had somehow left him, but his vision started to blur. He tightly clenched his eyes shut.

"Hey, Mr. Gus, what's wrong?" a familiar voice asked.

Mr. Gus's eyes shot open. He turned around and found himself face to face with the caring smile of Uncle Grandpa.

"What's got you down, buddy?" Uncle Grandpa asked.

"Uncle Grandpa!" Mr. Gus blurted out. "What are you doing here?"

"What do you mean?" Uncle Grandpa asked.

Mr. Gus finally looked behind Uncle Grandpa. There was a huge single-file line of dinosaurs stretching for miles and being periodically checked by a bunch of Uncle Grandpas. The endpoint of the line was a giant tear in the space-time continuum.

Mr. Gus's jaw dropped, as did the jaws of his compatriots.

"What is _that?_ " Pizza Steve asked, disturbed.

"Oh, that?" Uncle Grandpa said. "It's a rip in the space-time continuum."

"Graah?" Frankenstein asked.

"Why yes, that is the entire dinosaur population of Earth that's going through it," Uncle Grandpa said. "Thanks for noticing, Frankenstein."

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger roared.

"Of course I'm not sending them to the future!" Uncle Grandpa said. He paused. "Although that would be pretty cool..."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Mr. Gus exclaimed. " _What_ is _going on here_ _?_ "

"Oh, I'm just sending the dinosaurs to the silent planet so they don't get crushed by the giant meteor heading towards Earth," Uncle Grandpa said. "Here, take the express route."

Uncle Grandpa opened another, smaller hole in the fabric of time and space and ushered the group through it.

* * *

 **The Moon**

The rip opened ten feet over a moon, and the group fell through. They all climbed to their feet rubbing their heads.

"Ugh," Pizza Steve moaned. "Did we really have to open up above the–" He lowered his sunglasses and looked around. "What the! We're on the MOON?"

Mr. Gus looked around. "Sure looks like it, little slice," he confirmed.

"Well that's just great," Pizza Steve muttered. "And I thought we were gonna–huh?" He noticed a space goose staring at him hungrily. "Hey, goose, what's going on?"

The goose squawked at him. Pizza Steve began to sweat.

"Ah, no, goose, you don't want to eat me," Pizza Steve said nervously. "I'm, uh, I'm not good for gooses? I'll mess up your foie gras?"

The goose tried to bite him. Pizza Steve yelped and ran away from the goose. The goose gave chase, pecking at his rear end.

"Aah! Uncle G! Ah! Uncle G! Waah!" Pizza Steve yelped frantically.

Seconds later, Uncle Grandpa fell out of the sky and onto the moon. He picked himself up and dusted himself off. He looked around, saw Pizza Steve getting chased by the goose, and laughed.

"Aw, c'mon, Raul!" Uncle Grandpa called, still laughing. "Stop chasing my friend Pizza Steve!"

Raul delivered one last peck towards Pizza Steve's backside and then waddled back to Uncle Grandpa. Uncle Grandpa smiled as he petted the goose on its head.

"Okay, Uncle Grandpa, I want to know what's going on!" Mr. Gus said. "Are you telling me that the reason I grew up alone was because you sent all the other dinosaurs to another planet?"

Uncle Grandpa gasped. "Mr. Gus! You were alive back then?"

"Of course I was alive back then!" Mr. Gus yelled. "I'm a dinosaur!"

"Wow," Uncle Grandpa said. "You're even older than me! Anyway, I guess? I dunno. Did you know that a giant meteor wiped out all dinosaurs on Earth?"

"Uh, yes, I did know that!" Mr. Gus retorted. "I thought that was why I was all alone!"

"I thought this was a tragedy because dinosaurs are so cool!" Uncle Grandpa continued to explain. "So I decided to go back in time, to right before the meteor hit, and send all the dinosaurs to the silent planet!"

"They why didn't you send me with them?" Mr. Gus wailed.

"Uh, gee, I dunno," Uncle Grandpa said. "I thought I got everybody. Except the people in hospitals that were deemed to be too injured to safely move off the planet in time. Were you in a hospital?"

"No, I wasn't in a–"

Mr. Gus stopped as he remembered waking up in the hospital.

"How did I end up there?" he asked softly, on the verge of tears.

"I dunno, Mr. Gus," Uncle Grandpa said, putting a comforting arm around the dinosaur's shoulders.

"Graah," Frankenstein said, putting a hand on Mr. Gus's shoulders.

Giant Realistic Flying Tiger roared and brushed up against Mr. Gus's legs.

"Wait, hold on," Pizza Steve said. "Are you telling me you sent a bunch of dinosaurs to that planet?"

Pizza Steve pointed to the planet above them. Uncle Grandpa nodded.

"Yep!"

"So why'd you have to get kidnapped to do that?" Pizza Steve asked.

"You know, that's a long story," Uncle Grandpa said. "I'll explain it to you and some other people at the same time. But first..."

Uncle Grandpa opened another rift and stepped through. He stuck his head back out and beckoned for his friends to join him.

They stepped into the rift.

* * *

The story continues and concludes in "Open Your Eyes," posted under Cartoon X-Overs. Or you could visit my user page and work from there. Either way, the story in this fic as well as the ones in the other three Open Your Eyes fics come to a conclusion in "Open Your Eyes."

Thanks for reading!


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